Deafening Silence

Soon I will approach the one year anniversary of my decision to uproot my life and move to a new city, in a new region of the country, and start a new career.

Fortunately and unfortunately this past year has been one of the darkest journey I have endured during my lifetime.

I could spend another year rehashing the horrors of this year in grave detail but I see no purpose in doing such a thing. What I will say is I have learned an incredible amount about myself, life, and God.

I have always known that I am a highly competent person. I am capable of greatness. One of my largest weaknesses is that I shrivel in negative environments. My current employment situation feeds on disrespect, passive aggressive actions, and facades of concern used to mask bullying and harmful agendas. This has really reminded me of how strongly I depend on a positive culture and environment to aid my abilities. My resilience and refusal to quit has pushed me far out of my comfort zone. I found myself seeking new, innovative ways to seek information and better myself in spite of the forces stacked against me.

Pushing against systematic persecution is far more exhausting than one could ever imagine unless experienced first-hand. As a young professional in a new city, in a new career, with no family or friends nearby I experienced a new level of isolation. The silence was deafening.

I found myself clinging to my sanity with white knuckles. Always seeking validation, affirmation, and support from the vary institution seeking to destroy me. I found it hard to express myself to a group of strangers as I attempted to build relationships with my new surroundings. It was also difficult to explain myself to those that knew me. They seemed so far out of my reach. Like oceans stood between myself and the rest of the world.

Alone I stood. Waiting. Wanting. Waiting on success. Waiting on hope. Wanting love. Wanting acceptance.

Eventually I went back to my roots. I went to church. A coworker suggested I try the church she attended. So, I went. The sermon was about being desperate for God. I continued to attend the church and continued to listen as the pastor spoke on this topic. I spent most of the following Sundays in a back row of the church silently crying. Listening to a sermon that seemed as if God whispered it directly to me. Calling me back to His love, grace, and lovingkindness. I began to seek God in everything I did. I also returned to my habit of meditation.

Spoiler Alert: Standing with God is more powerful, safe, and comforting than affirmation or support from any human being. God’s love and protection is stronger than any weapon formed against me.

Now I have found myself joyfully realigning myself with God and His word. I have found more peace in the last few months than I have in years. Walking through this storm has showed me how important it is to lean on Him.

As I reflected on this journey I found several instances where God spoke to me and I completely disregarded His words. As a result I found myself alone, lost and confused. Now I find myself feeling stronger than ever. I can’t even imagine concerning myself with the opinions and judgments of those I once sought approval from so desperately.

All I can do now is thank God for this journey. I am so grateful to come out of this storm with a story and a testimony. I will continue to walk in faith and listen for God’s voice as He continues to lead my life. I am excited to see what He has in store for me next. 

In the mean time and between time I will continue to Praise His Name. 

The Responsibility of Freedom

Hello there!

So, I have read several articles discussing reasons why teachers chose to leave the classroom. As I reflect on teaching and the information stated in the articles I was left feeling confused.  I 1000% understood what each article was discussing and I had had a lot of those same feelings as I encounter difficulties while teaching. My consistent thought is that I am there for the students. Regardless of how stressed I am over paperwork deadlines, various evaluations, or rude and irrational emotions of children I still love to working with kids.

My favorite part of my day is hearing the reckless comments, jokes, or questions from my students. They may tap dance on my nerves but my job would be soo boring without them. I have always been concerned that if I do leave education I would feel as though I wasn't reaching my full potential. I have also had several concerns about letting my students down. I feel a great deal of responsibility for their education.

As I was watching TV I heard someone discussing how important it is for some teachers to move on after their time in the classroom. The discussion centered around the idea that all students eventually move on with their lives. Therefore, teachers with dreams outside of the classroom can't be afraid to move on and live their dreams. I have recently had some very real thoughts about how great I am at business. I have a great track record in every field of business I have ventured in during college or post-graduate professional career.

I have decided that I will still pursue teaching jobs for next year while still applying for business jobs as well. I feel like I need the freedom to make choices that will make me happy as well. I will be praying and keeping my options open.

If you have any suggestions please feel free to share!

Til next time!
-A

Here's to 2013!

Hello,

It has been far too long since I have posted in this blog.

During 2013 my life has difficult moments and constant demands. But through it all I have gained sooo much this year!!

At the beginning of 2013 I quit my job. I then took on three part time jobs while going to school full time. I then moved and joined an unpaid teacher training program in a new city. I spent the summer busting my tail to pass the program while running through my savings. I then found a job teaching only to discover how consuming teaching can really be, especially for a new teacher.

With all that being said 2013 has been AMAZING!!!

1. I found out it's ok to quit a job you hate. You will survive and possibly find a new job that you love (like I did).

I hated my old job. I spent a lot of time dreading going to work. I was demeaned, belittled, and disrespected. I had been working with the company for nearly two years and I was terrified that I wouldn't find something better or even equal. I took a leap of faith and relied on God to see me through. I found a job I absolutely loved! The work was fun, my coworkers were a hoot, and my supervisor was supportive and encouraging. It was a beautiful lesson with a beautiful outcome. 

2. I love knowing that at any point in time I can hold down multiple jobs. There is a certain feeling of pride I get knowing I can take care of myself.

3. I let go of old/toxic friends. When I moved I left behind all things that were not progressive and positive. Losing that dead weight has shown me how free life can be when you can be yourself.

I had several "friends" that constantly criticized my life and the choices I was making.  I found myself actually holding back from telling them exciting news about my life because I knew they would rain on my parade. Now that my life is free of those restrictions I feel wonderful! So, so wonderful!!

4. I also met new friends. Moved to a new city, with a new culture, and new people to explore. I have met some great folks that I hope to call my friends for many years to come. 

5. Last, but not least I found out I have amazing my family and friends. I may have added and subtracted certain people from my life but I have been blessed with an amazing core group of friends and family  that have stood by my side and supported me through every tough time and decision. I could not have asked for a better support system. Even as I move around the country, change my jobs, and alter my life goals I have had amazing wonderful people to stand by me through it all. I love them and I am so grateful for them.

With all of that being said I accomplished most of my goals I set for 2013. I even took the time to check off some of those goals listed on my vision board.

I hope you have many things to be grateful for during 2013. I pray you enter 2014 with an open heart and mind. I can't wait to share 2014 with you!

Be on the look out for a new post about my weight loss progress and goals for 2014!!!

Feel free to leave me your thoughts in the comments section!

Love you all!

Yoga: Tara Stiles Style

So I have started my yoga journey! As I told you before I have started to follow a lot of yogis on instgram and now I need yoga to be a part of my life! I was discussing my interest in yoga with one of my good friends and she suggested I look up this Tara Stiles on Youtube. So I did and I've followed a handful of her routines over the past two weeks. Check out her videos below and click on the videos to get access to her Youtube page. You should check her page out because she has a ton of great videos with routines, recipes, and advice on health and fitness.

As always...ENJOY!!

Resisting Temptation

Hello All!

So here's another update on my progress. So first I got a new job!! That means I have three jobs...I'm excited about more money but it sucks up a lot of my time. And to further complicate things I was in training for my new job all last week and they took all of the free time I had to fit in more training. That crazy schedule led to no trip to the grocery store. No food at home means I didn't prep my meals for the week and ate out literally every night of the week. And to top that off I was exhausted and only made it to the gym twice that week. Epic Fail!! And the scale showed every bad decision.

But on a positive note I learned my lesson. This week I made the necessary sacrifices to make it to the store. I have officially stated my first of four weeks paleo. I prepped my meals, including salmon, tuna, tomatoes, peas, and apples among other things. I have learned to love tuna with out mayo! Woot!

Now as you may know I love to eat sweets and this paleo restriction is really difficult. Like no, it's so hard! So I was sitting at work day dreaming about cupcakes. Then I decided I NEEDED a cupcake! My solution: get on pinterest and find paleo friendly cupcake recipes. I found some great recipes (I'll be trying out and posting my results at a later date) but when I got to the store I found out they don't carry coconut flour. I was devastated! I needed coconut flour for all of the recipes I wanted to try and I couldn't go elsewhere because it was late and storming outside. So I spent a good 30 minutes searching the store for a paleo friendly sweet treat.

I considered buying a single cupcake, maybe a package of cookies, or a small container of ice cream. I even made it to the check out line with the ice cream! But by the grace of God I had the strength to put the ice cream back and go home empty handed. I was super duper proud of myself.

I will be picking up some coconut flour at a local natural foods (Idk if that's the proper name for that kind of store) store today.

I'll let you know how the cupcakes turn out!

Homemade Monkey Bread with Homemade Caramel Sauce

So as I stated in a previous post  I recently made some homemade monkey bread. And this bread comes with homemade caramel sauce. In case I haven't mentioned before I LOVE CARAMEL!! Like I really do love it! So sugar, cinnamon, bread, and caramel...this was a perfect recipe for me to try. I found the recipe on Sally's Baking Addiction. She has a ton of great pics of the bread she made. It sucked me in..I went to the store that afternoon and bought the ingredients I didn't have and got started! It is important to note that you have to make the dough ahead of time and let it rise overnight so take that into consideration when making this delicious gem! Here is the recipe and my results.

Final Product

Ingredients

Dough

• 1 package (2 and 1/4 teaspoons) active dry yeast 
• 1/4 cup warm water (110F-115F)
• 1 and 1/4 cups warm 2% milk (110F-115F, 2% or higher milk fat, no lower)
• 1/3 cup unsalted butter, melted
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 5 cups all-purpose flour
Easy Caramel Sauce
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter
• 1 cup dark brown sugar, packed
• 3 Tablespoons heavy cream (no substitutions)

 Cinnamon-Sugar Topping

• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 - 1.5 Tablespoons ground cinnamon (depends on taste, I used 1.5)
• 3/4 cup chopped pecans (I didn't use these)

For the Caramel Sauce 

• 1/4 cup unsalted butter (or salted)
• 1/2 cup dark brown sugar
• 2 and 1/2 Tablespoons heavy cream (no substitutions)

 

Instructions

1. Make the dough: In a large mixing bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water. Stir it around a bit and let it sit for about 2 minutes. Add the milk, melted butter, sugar, eggs, salt, and 3 cups of flour, Beat on medium speed for 3 minutes. By hand, stir in enough remaining flour to form a firm dough. About 5 cups total.*Side Note: This was my first time using my standing mixer and I chose to ignore the advise to stir in flour by hand...I regret that choice...FYI*
2. Turn the dough onto a floured surface. Knead until smooth and elastic, about 6-7 minutes. Do not over-knead, which will lend tough and chewy bread. The dough is ready when it is smooth and when you can poke it with a finger and it springs back. Form dough into a smooth ball and place into a greased bowl, turning once to grease the top. I greased the bowl with cooking spray. Cover and refrigerate for 8 hours or overnight.
3. Make the caramel sauce: The caramel sauce may be made ahead of time and heated in the microwave for 30 seconds before using. To make the caramel, melt the butter in a small saucepan. Once melted, add brown sugar and heavy cream. Stir constantly over medium heat until sugar is dissolved. Allow to bubble for 3-4 full minutes, no more. Set aside.
4. Make the cinnamon-sugar topping: In a shallow bowl, combine cinnamon and sugar. In a separate small bowl, melt the butter. Set aside. Spray a 10-12 cup bundt pan with cooking spray. Set aside. Punch the cold dough down very gently to allow the air bubbles to release. Pull apart pieces and roll into balls, about 1.25 inches in diameter. You will need 40-45 balls total, so be modest with their size. Dip each ball, one by one, in the melted butter and then generously roll in the cinnamon-sugar mixture to coat them well. You may need more cinnamon-sugar depending how heavy you coat each bowl.
5. Arrange 20 dough balls into the bundt pan.  Cover the pan and allow dough balls to rise again for about 45 minutes at room temperature.
6. Preheat oven to 350F. When you are ready to bake, warm the caramel sauce up for about 30 seconds. Stir, and top the dough balls with 1/2 of the caramel sauce. Reserve the rest to pour on top after it is baked.
7. Bake for 30-35 minutes or until golden brown on top. Cover loosely with foil if the top browns too quickly. Cool for 5-10 minutes and invert onto a large serving plate. Warm up the caramel sauce again and drizzle over the bread. You may either cut the bread into generous slices or let everyone pick off the gooey pieces themselves.

In my handy-dandy standing mixer

Going into the fridge

Morning After...after being punched down

My balls of dough!!

Butter and cinnamon sugar mixture

Dough balls after being coated and taking time to rise

Fresh out of the oven...I just had to taste some of the bread!!

My thoughts and Opinions: I love this recipe!! I love the bread!! It was soo yummy! The only thing I would differently was use a different recipe for caramel. I will probably use a recipe from my Southern Caramel Cake post. But over all I would definitely encourage any and everyone to try it!!

Enjoy!!

 

Monkey Bread!!! 

Paleo (Gluten Free) Blueberry Muffins

So while on my first week of being strictly Paleo I was having serious withdraw from bread and all I wanted was some blueberry muffins! So I went on pinterest and found some paleo blueberry muffins recipes. I decided to go with a recipe from Paleoliscious. It is an interesting blog so you should check it out. Here are my results and the recipe for the blueberry muffins.

Paleo Blueberry muffins

Ingredients: 
3 cups almond meal
4 eggs
2 tsp vanilla extract
1/4 cup honey
3 tbsp lemon juice
2 cups blueberries
1/3 cup coconut oil
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda

 It was my first time using almond flour and coconut oil.I have seen them a lot in healthy/paleo recipes but have yet to use them so this seemed like a perfect opportunity to try something new.

Directions:
*Preheat oven at 347 F *

1. Beat the eggs in a bowl  

2. Add the vanilla extract, honey, lemon juice and coconut oil. Mix well. 

3. Add the almond meal and bicarbonate of soda and mix well. 

4. Add the blueberries and mix gently. 

5. Baked them for approx. 15 min

Fresh out of the oven

Paleo/Gluten Free Blueberry Muffin 

 So there you have it...Paleo Blueberry Muffins!!! I thought the recipe was easy to follow and quick to make. Now as far as the taste of the muffins I would say if you are used to paleo food you will probably love them! But I was not ready, LOL. I love box mix blueberry muffins filled with sugar and all kinds of extra ingredients. So with that being sad I hated them the first time I tried them. BUT the next day I went back and tried them and really enjoyed them! Once I was ready for a less sweet treat it was fabulous!! If you need a quick fix for a bread craving I would defiantly recommend these muffins. 

Enjoy!!