#MCM

Yep. As I date I think about what attracts me physically. And Man Crush Monday is a real thing. It's still Monday where I am so...

Common

Dylan O'Brien

Just a few of my thoughts...Enjoy!! 

A Moment Or A Movement #MikeBrown

Last night I received a call from my brother asking about my thoughts regarding the situation in St. Louis. I had no idea what he was talking about but I listened in horror as he described the recent events surrounding Mike Brown. As with so many other news story there's another young black boy dead. No justifiable reason for the murder. Just something someone felt inclined to do at the time.

With each incident I read about my heart always cries out for the families, the local community, and the state of the country. It hurts to know I live in a country that boasts freedom yet I could be shot at any moment for no reason and no justice will be served. As much as most stories hit close to home as I think about the safety of the black men that I love most this story is home. As a St. Louis native this story could literally be my brother, cousin, friend, former classmate, or a long list of others. It hurts to see my city hurting and acting out as a result of misguided pain and frustration.

Question: We know the problem, but what is the solution?

At this point, I don't know. Some things I do know are unity and cooperation are requirements. Two heads are better than one. We are stronger together that we are apart. The pooling of talents, wisdom, experience, and connections could produce the formula needed to solve the problem. A formula that includes leadership, short and long term plans, organization, and education.

I pray for my hometown. I pray for peace, healing, and guidance.

Young, Lively, and Single

Hola!!

It has been a long time since I've written anything. I can definitely say life has taken some interesting new turns. I have found a new job, joined new organizations, reevaluated my relationships in a major way. With the school year ending and the summer of freedom beginning I decided to explore dating more. Since making that decision I have been on several dates with a variety guys. Some great, some not so awesome.

As I have evaluated my dating experiences and reflected on my judgments of the guys I've been out with I have started to narrow down what I'm looking for in a potential mate and what type of relationship I am currently seeking. I've decided I need a real man as a potential mate. Then I had to ask the question: What is a real man to me? My answer: someone respectful, chivalrous, honest, hard-working, and selfless. All of the things I was taught to a real man is by my father.

This is something I really thought about during a conversation at a dinner table with friends. During casual conversation a young woman said she couldn't date a man that was college educated. I almost laughed out loud because I used to think the same thing. I wanted the doctor/lawyer driving the nice car and living in a really expensive penthouse apartment. After walking through lakes of fire last year I have reevaluated my entire life. It's laughable and sad to think a college degree would make someone a great mate. Completely ruling out all of the other qualities that make a person wonderful and keep a relationship together, strong, and healthy. As long as my husband is committed to working and providing for our family his profession makes no difference to me.

Back to my questions, I also had to ask what type of relationship am I looking for? I constantly bounce between I want a husband, baby, and white picket fence and I really want to gallivant in the wonderful, free world of singledom! I've decided my issue is not settling. I would be happy to find the man of my dreams tomorrow but that doesn't seem like it will happen. So until then I will continue to happily skip through Singlesville. Just window shopping along the way. I'm having a blast meeting new people, trying out new places around town, and getting to know myself.

For now I will continue to dance through Singlesville town square. I'll keep you posted!

Deafening Silence

Soon I will approach the one year anniversary of my decision to uproot my life and move to a new city, in a new region of the country, and start a new career.

Fortunately and unfortunately this past year has been one of the darkest journey I have endured during my lifetime.

I could spend another year rehashing the horrors of this year in grave detail but I see no purpose in doing such a thing. What I will say is I have learned an incredible amount about myself, life, and God.

I have always known that I am a highly competent person. I am capable of greatness. One of my largest weaknesses is that I shrivel in negative environments. My current employment situation feeds on disrespect, passive aggressive actions, and facades of concern used to mask bullying and harmful agendas. This has really reminded me of how strongly I depend on a positive culture and environment to aid my abilities. My resilience and refusal to quit has pushed me far out of my comfort zone. I found myself seeking new, innovative ways to seek information and better myself in spite of the forces stacked against me.

Pushing against systematic persecution is far more exhausting than one could ever imagine unless experienced first-hand. As a young professional in a new city, in a new career, with no family or friends nearby I experienced a new level of isolation. The silence was deafening.

I found myself clinging to my sanity with white knuckles. Always seeking validation, affirmation, and support from the vary institution seeking to destroy me. I found it hard to express myself to a group of strangers as I attempted to build relationships with my new surroundings. It was also difficult to explain myself to those that knew me. They seemed so far out of my reach. Like oceans stood between myself and the rest of the world.

Alone I stood. Waiting. Wanting. Waiting on success. Waiting on hope. Wanting love. Wanting acceptance.

Eventually I went back to my roots. I went to church. A coworker suggested I try the church she attended. So, I went. The sermon was about being desperate for God. I continued to attend the church and continued to listen as the pastor spoke on this topic. I spent most of the following Sundays in a back row of the church silently crying. Listening to a sermon that seemed as if God whispered it directly to me. Calling me back to His love, grace, and lovingkindness. I began to seek God in everything I did. I also returned to my habit of meditation.

Spoiler Alert: Standing with God is more powerful, safe, and comforting than affirmation or support from any human being. God’s love and protection is stronger than any weapon formed against me.

Now I have found myself joyfully realigning myself with God and His word. I have found more peace in the last few months than I have in years. Walking through this storm has showed me how important it is to lean on Him.

As I reflected on this journey I found several instances where God spoke to me and I completely disregarded His words. As a result I found myself alone, lost and confused. Now I find myself feeling stronger than ever. I can’t even imagine concerning myself with the opinions and judgments of those I once sought approval from so desperately.

All I can do now is thank God for this journey. I am so grateful to come out of this storm with a story and a testimony. I will continue to walk in faith and listen for God’s voice as He continues to lead my life. I am excited to see what He has in store for me next. 

In the mean time and between time I will continue to Praise His Name. 

The Responsibility of Freedom

Hello there!

So, I have read several articles discussing reasons why teachers chose to leave the classroom. As I reflect on teaching and the information stated in the articles I was left feeling confused.  I 1000% understood what each article was discussing and I had had a lot of those same feelings as I encounter difficulties while teaching. My consistent thought is that I am there for the students. Regardless of how stressed I am over paperwork deadlines, various evaluations, or rude and irrational emotions of children I still love to working with kids.

My favorite part of my day is hearing the reckless comments, jokes, or questions from my students. They may tap dance on my nerves but my job would be soo boring without them. I have always been concerned that if I do leave education I would feel as though I wasn't reaching my full potential. I have also had several concerns about letting my students down. I feel a great deal of responsibility for their education.

As I was watching TV I heard someone discussing how important it is for some teachers to move on after their time in the classroom. The discussion centered around the idea that all students eventually move on with their lives. Therefore, teachers with dreams outside of the classroom can't be afraid to move on and live their dreams. I have recently had some very real thoughts about how great I am at business. I have a great track record in every field of business I have ventured in during college or post-graduate professional career.

I have decided that I will still pursue teaching jobs for next year while still applying for business jobs as well. I feel like I need the freedom to make choices that will make me happy as well. I will be praying and keeping my options open.

If you have any suggestions please feel free to share!

Til next time!
-A